The Weight Loss Conspiracy

Recently I have acquired a few extra pounds much to my dismay. So I casually mentioned to my other half that I would like to begin some sort of diet to lose the extra weight due to the fact that most of my jeans do not seem to want to adhere to my body any longer. Her suggestion was to start eating sensibly. Perhaps lay off the goodies, (my entire mouth consists of not one, but several sweet tooth's) and eat something like Special K for breakfast rather than the cereal I've been consuming. For the record, I've been, (sigh) addicted to Lucky Charms and Golden Crisp cereal. Hey, what can I say, they give me the sugar boost I need in the morning to jump start my body. Anyhow, I agreed to buy a box of Special K the next time we went shopping and give up the other cereals.

So off we went to Walmart yesterday and did our grocery shopping. I reluctantly picked out my one box of Special K, and did my assigned chore of pushing the cart around the store for the rest of the shopping process. At the checkout there mysteriously appeared a box of multi flavored donuts, one box of coffee cakes, two bags of potato chips, fig newtons and a large jar of Planters Honey Roasted peanuts. I assume my other half chose these items based on her particular cravings. But I began to wonder what was wrong with this picture. Here I was staring at my one box of Special K cereal which is supposed to help me lose weight, and there surrounding that one box, all kinds of goodies. This wasn't going to be easy.

The following morning as I poured my Special K cereal into the bowl and sparingly, just to ease into the withdrawal from Lucky Charms and Golden Crisp, I sprinkled one measly teaspoon of sugar on top of the flakes of cereal in my bowl. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" she cried out to me. "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO PUT SUGAR ON SPECIAL K!"
I sheepishly agreed with her and sat myself down at the breakfast table with a sigh while she began to wolf down two chocolate covered donuts and a coffee cake.

Have you seen the commercial on television with Ben Stein where in the background there's some guy pounding someone on the head with a huge hammer? It DID cross my mind that morning.